--I apologize ahead of this blog but it is too crazy not to write about. For those who feel uncomfortable with sensitive subjects, please skip over this one.---
I know that there are freaks surrounding us all. I've met several of them! I may even be one at times but I've had my share of them the past week.
First is my religious freak...oh she's a lovely lady. I know, I know, just because she refuses to answer her house or cell phones on a Sunday doesn't make her one. But really, does she have to put religious icons everywhere. And then to put them next to the teddy bears and chair shaped lamps is what boggles my mind!
Returning to Formia, I knew that we would have to deal with the voyeur across the street. Last year it was more of a shock and this year its just annoying. We've named him 'Jerker Offer'. It was funny at the time. Maybe you just had to be there. And yeah, that's what he does. The funny thing was how we were warned about him. 'Oh he likes to watch, so just ignore him if you can!' When we hang out our beach towels and in our peripheral vision some movement is noticed in the bushes across the street. Then when you actually raise your eyes a few minutes later, he's in plain site usually with Mr Willy in hand! Really! What does his wife say! I think I heard her in her strong southern dialect tell him off one day. But it didn't have any effect on him, because the bushes were rustling the next day. We're learned to ignore him for the most part and it seems that he appears to us less this year than last. Our blinders are better placed I guess this year.
Oh, to top things off the last of our freaks this week really did us in. Lisa and I were laughing so hard that both of us had tears in our eyes. Ok, it felt great to laugh that hard, but the circumstances we could have done without. Such a joyous boisterous personality this man has. Someone who reminds you of the crazy uncle you have in the family. So much energy even when describing the plants in his garden. So imagine, 2 young ladies, reading in the late afternoon basking in the sunlight. Approaches the enthusiastic man, first words are along the lines of ' I have a question for you, but I am ashamed to ask, but ok ok ok ok.' He proceeds to tell us that he would like to know the meaning of some english words but he's ashamed to say are bad. Ok, so we're prepared for the basics. We've all done it when learning a new language. Hey I definitely knew vaffacullo before entering the airspace!
He holds in his hand a small piece of paper with the 'forbidden words'. But we weren't expecting those!!! The list of 3 words.....prepare yourself....hubby...cum....cunt. WTF!!! Really. Our crazy uncle just became the crazy freak. Really where did he find those words together? After a wide eyed look to Lisa and her at me and so many thoughts as to how to answer him. And we want to answer him somehow because we still have this idea of who he is in our heads and its not who is presenting himself. He frequently asks us about english phrases so this is just the extreme, right?!? He quickly explained that he figured out the last word. Thank goodness, that wasn't one I wanted to explain. Lisa and I both had our own thoughts for the second...jizz he would never understand. Hahaha! So the nurse in me after an awkward minute said 'ejaculation'.
Oh dear lord, what is happening to this world! All the good guys are really bad! Freaks are everywhere! We also inform him that hubby isn't a bad word. He admits that he's reading a few websites to learn more 'real' slang english! Yeah, and I'm pretty sure the pictures on 'those' websites offer enough information for him to figure out the worst of his vocabulary list! Seriously!!! Ugh. So as Lisa and I laughed mutely as best as possible and tears overflowed our eyes, we decided its a great idea to make ourselves scarce over this last week.
Random thing though, just before we were commenting on the sickness of Jerker Offer and how he should just go inside and search the net and be weird in his house and not in view for the 2 story house across the street. And then arrives one who is obviously doing just that and now its known to us anyway!!!
AAHHHH!!! Seriously? Seriously!
And one thing is for certain. We are NOT returning next year!! The English camp will have to find 2 other maestre!
Being back in Rome has been an amazing experience. Its like coming home. Everything fits right into place. I also realize that its not the place I want to be in the long term. I do find myself missing Houston where I work and spend time with special friends. Friends has really what this trip to Italy has been for me. My friends, like Romy, Klaus, Amy, Audra, Dani, Heather, Violetta, Brian, Hanna, Tim, Greg and Lisa. They have been there for me at my worst when my heart was torn and bleeding and when I shared my happiest moments. My friends are what makes Rome feel like home. But the city itself has its own way for me too. I have some of the same in Houston, but its the city that doesn't seem to fit me quite yet. Maybe its because I really haven't given it a chance, but part of me doesn't want to and that is a bit saddening.
Elias aka Colombian Hottie
